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Rosie SorensonI wanted to write something funny today about the meaning of life, or about the Middle Eastern Meltdown, or about my lack of a cosmetic surgery fund, but then I accidentally tuned into "Philosophy Talk."

Philosophy Talk is an entertaining public radio show featuring John Perry and Ken Taylor, philosophy professors at Stanford University. The topic was "Procrastination."

I decided to clean up my kitchen while I listened to the program. Cleaning the kitchen had been on my "To-Do" list for awhile, but it hadn't worked its way to the top until today, when it became a convenient way to postpone some other task, like writing my column.

Until I listened to the program, I had no idea that I was engaging in what Dr. Perry calls "Structured Procrastination." I thought I was just goofing off as usual. But when he started explaining his ideas, I perked up.

Most people regard procrastination as one of the seven deadly sins, but Dr. Perry has created a brand-new philosophical framework for understanding it and making it work for us. Oh, be still my beating heart!

He explains it this way. "Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils . . . Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him to do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important."

He goes on to say, "The trick is to pick the right sorts of projects for the top of the list. The ideal sorts of things have two characteristics. First, they seem to have clear deadlines (but really don't). Second, they seem awfully important (but really aren't)."

For example, I started my column weeks before the deadline, but when the radio show came, I was presented with an irresistible opportunity to clean up the kitchen instead. Second, although my article is important to me (and, hopefully to my editor and my seven fans), its urgency lessened in the face of the sticky kitchen floor, the grubby dishwasher and the food-streaked cupboard doors. It was only afterward that I discovered I was practicing the fine art of Structured Procrastination. Now, I can feel smug and philosophical at the same time!

If reading Dr. Perry's treatise doesn't give you reason enough to enjoy your proclivity for procrastination, then let me tell you about another. Procrastination has monetary value!

Most people realize by now that businesses operating web sites often install "cookies," or little bits of code, onto our computers each time we visit their sites. These cookies are like little spies who monitor and record our Internet activities.

What I learned from a technology expert was how to use this shady practice in my favor. She explained that if you visit a website and place an item in its shopping cart but don't finish the transaction, the company will likely target you later for an ad and/or coupon for a discount on that very item. It's no coincidence that after you leave the PetRX site, for example, you will notice a banner ad for discounted Advantage popping up on your screen as you check your email.

I had unknowingly discovered this on Amazon a few days before Christmas. Ever since reading a review about the Kodak i8 video camera, I became besotted and surfed many sites for pre-Christmas deals. I got so carried away on the Amazon site that I placed the camera in the shopping cart, but then got cold feet at the retail price of $179. My Inner Mother said, "Why are you spending that kind of money on yourself - you don't NEED it!" Sadly, she won, and I left the site before completing the transaction.

But on Christmas Eve, the nice folks at Amazon sent me a sweet email saying I could have my coveted video camera for only $98, plus free shipping. I told Mom to go bake some cookies while I grabbed my credit card and ordered the camera. It arrived five days later.

It's now almost March. The camera is still in the box. Unless something more important comes along to bump it from the top of my "To Do" list, I probably won't get around to it for awhile.

Thanks to Dr. Perry, however, I can use my "Get-Out-of-Guilt-Free" card and enjoy whatever it is that keeps me from opening the Kodak box.

Can you say "cheese?"

- Rosie Sorenson

Rosie Sorenson is the award-winning author of They Had Me at Meow:Tails of Love from the Homeless Cats of Buster Hollow. Her work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, San Francisco Chronicle, San Jose Mercury News, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review and others. In 2007, she won an honorable mention in the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.

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No trampoline tonight

I suppose it's a good thing that my goal is to live to be 110 because after spending the last several hours cleaning my son's apartment, I may inadvertently have sacrificed a year or two. He didn't ask me to do it, and he certainly didn't expect that I would. We were supposed to be enjoying a merry old time tonight with a group of his friends who invited us for dinner and then an evening at the local indoor trampoline park. Awesome, right? Yes, I was ready to don a set of Nick's sweats an ...
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