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First you think, "This can't be happening to me. There is no way I can write a book. I'm too old. I'm at the end of my career not at the beginning. I'm not into social media and the only agent I know is 007."

But the tests are positive. People laughed at your first essays. You are definitely writing a book whether you want to or not.

Then the morning sickness. Or, in my case, late night sickness, begins. You sit staring at the blank screen of your laptop, and not a single idea is forthcoming. You try crackers, chocolate, pickles, red wine but nothing eases that queasy feeling. Your fingers hang frozen over the keyboard. You start talking to yourself.

"What if I never think of another single word to write?"

"What if I don't know how to write funny anymore?"

"What if I never knew how to write funny?"

This is followed by a quick run to the bathroom. Crackers, chocolate, pickles and red wine are not a good combination no matter how you arrange them on your plate or your laptop.

The next several months are a roller coaster of emotions. You sit at the computer for hours laughing as you write page after page only to reread it the next day and burst into tears at the drivel you have splattered across the page. Your eyes roll back in your head and you screech at the Geek Squad when they tell you it will be a few days before they can dry out your keyboard.

After months, the big day arrives. You have edited, revised and rearranged. You have laughed, cried, thrown fits and grown fat from lack of exercise. You have "saved to" six flash drives and I-Cloud, and printed out a hard copy. Your book has been safe and secure in an electronic file all these months. You have selected a publisher. It is time to hit "Send."

Send? You scream, "I've changed my mind. I don't care what anybody says, I am not publishing this book. Who said this was funny? Am I laughing? It's all your fault. I never said I wanted to write a book. No! No! No! I'm going to wait and write another chapter. I'm not ready to be an AUTHOR!"

But the book is ready. It is time.

You hit "send." You don't laugh. You don't cry. You sit and stare at the screen.

Later, when the publisher brings you the box, you look at it like it is some kind of alien being. You open the box and take out the book. You aren't excited. You are empty, devoid of emotion. You are depressed.

"It's small. I thought it would be bigger. The cover is dark. It's not doing anything. It's just sitting there."

"The book can't do anything without you. You have to market the book. You have to become a super salesman. You have to go on virtual book tours. You have to do everything."

"But I don't want to do everything. I want Agent 007 to do everything. Can't I unpublish it? I don't want strangers looking at my book. It's mine. I wrote it."

"You are suffering from postpartum publication. The best remedy is to start on your next book."

"Hmmm, I do have an idea for a murder mystery based on a publisher who…"

- Jody Worsham

At age 61, when Jody Worsham became the mother of a 1-day-old baby and a 3-year-old, she found writing humor was cheaper than therapy, legal, no hangover, and it didn't matter if Medicare covered it or not.