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I don't know about you, but I'm feeling overloaded from too much information (TMI).

The problem is that by nature I am an information junkie so I try to keep up every day. Every day I fail. There's Twitter, FaceBook, Pinterest, YouTube and LinkedIn, to name a few of the notable Time Sucks of All Time. It's now time to cry "Uncle." (And, where did that idiom come from, anyway - another thing I must know.)

What's the result of having TMI? Let's start with our health, shall we? In the "good old days," (which are pretty much the days prior to the day you became a responsible adult), it was enough to go for a walk in nature because it was fun. Now, a walk has become a quest for increasing our endorphins, for producing Vitamin D in order to prevent cancer and bone fractures, and for lowering our dreaded cortisol levels. Walking, especially in the morning, has also become a way to re-set our bio-rhythms, our body's wake/sleep cycle, by influencing the pineal gland.

Even sex has become something other than a lot of whopping fun. It's now a way to kick-start our natural oxytocin and vasopressin factories into production.

And as if that's not enough, there's more! Eating a green salad? Consuming phytonutrients, especially lutein and zeaxanthin. Enjoying a tasty salmon dinner? Ingesting Omeg-3 fats, the Good Fats, we are told. Playing Sudoko? Stimulating our axons and dendrites to enhance our neurological connections and thus stave off Alzheimer's. Brushing our teeth because it feels good to get rid of the slime? Getting rid of bacteria that could leak into our blood stream and kill our hearts. And speaking of the latter, during my last check-up I was given more than enough dental care products to weigh down a pack mule.

So now, instead of brushing, and doing a quick floss in the evening, I have to add the Peridex-squirt-rinse-repeat procedure followed by 20 minutes as the gum massager has its way with me.

Just to take care of the basics, I must start my bedtime routine at about 4 p.m. which cuts down on my sex life, which eats into my vasopressin stores, which cuts into my sleep, which raises my cortisol levels, which makes me depressed, which makes me want chocolate and chocolate alone, screw the lettuce, and makes me want to stay in bed in the dark until my bones rot, which make my omega 3 stores drop, which...you get the picture.

Then, of course, I have to go back online to get more information about what to do about all these dilemmas, and after that I must tweet it, FB it and blog it to let the world know what a loser I really am.

Anybody know of a 12-Step Program for TMI addicts? Tweet me!

- Rosie Sorenson

Rosie Sorenson is the author of Humor Me! Short Amusing Takes on George Clooney, Fruit Fly Sex, the NSA, Halle Berry, Compassionate Rats and Other Wacky Topics. She won honorable mention in the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition in 2007. Her work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Pittsburgh-Tribune Review and other publications.