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All of us have fond memories of Thanksgiving get-togethers with family and friends. It's just like the old days, when we watched "Walton's Mountain."

People we have not seen in a year or more come over with an overnight bag and a side dish; then, we all sit around, eat, talk, bicker, bring up all the reasons we only see each other once a year; and actually fight over the Pope's nose - "Naso del Papa," also known as "the part that goes over the fence last." I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a Vatican dispensation for calling it the Pope's nose. I never broached the subject in a confessional. Why spoil everyone's fun?

Murphy's law kicks in, and someone forgets to add the egg to the pumpkin pie mixture and it turns out runny. We drink the recipe (in our case, a keg of beer in the garage), a fight breaks out, the Yorkie takes off with grandma's dentures in its mouth, one of grandpa's suspenders ends up dangling off the piano, somebody screams in the bathroom about sitting on cold porcelain, and Uncles Harry and Dick are still arguing about whether Canadians eat Bald Eagle, rather than turkey, for Thanksgiving - on a tip from Canadian humorist Gordon Kirkland, who originated the idea. This is a typical American traditional Thanksgiving party (and everyone worries about whether or not the kids will behave).

This year, in preparation for the annual holiday fiasco, Uncle Harry Googled all the Canadian web sites trying to find Bald Eagle recipes. "Their Thanksgiving is in October," he said. "If it's out there, I'll show him!" he bellowed.

Here's another interesting tidbit to add more fuel to the fire - the Enrique Iglesia half-time performance during the Miami vs. Dallas Thanksgiving Day football game last year. I can still see Uncle Dick in his Dolphins mascot hat, munching on a leftover wing, singing "I Like It," while pouring himself and mascot "Flipper" a beer.

I was looking over Uncle Harry's shoulder online today, and found something of interest - a video on YouTube, "How to Pick Out a Tender Butterball." They were blindfolding folks outside Macy's to pick out the tenderest turkey.

Watch yourself at the mall.

- Rose A. Valenta

Rose A. Valenta is the author of humor books, Sitting on Cold Porcelain and Dueling Microphones, and a weekly humor column called Skinny Dipping - the skinny on current events, life, sports, and politics from a humorist's perspective. She is the membership chair of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists (NSNC), a director of the Robert Benchley Society and a regular attendee at the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop.