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Teen 1 is ready to leave for university and I'm a bit panicked wondering if he will ever give us our car back is ready. I've been lying awake at night asking myself why I chose Wheatgrass as our bedroom color if there's anything we forgot to tell him. To remedy this, I decided to write him some last-minute advice to help him navigate life on his own: Don't throw away your clothes when they get dirty.

• Look for a washing machine (Google it) and pretend you've used one before follow the instructions.

• When it's winter, you will notice white flakes in the sky and on the ground. This means you should just skip classes like I did and stay warm it is very very cold. Wear a jacket (Google it).

• Bedding (Google it) needs to be washed before bed bugs open a strip mall on your mattress weekly.

• Aim high. Your father and I are drowning in debt and are counting on your future neurosurgeon salary want the best for you.

• If you call to say a textbook costs more than $500, please know I already spent it on Botox injections. I look amazing Sorry.

• Inserting your bank card into your 'H' drive won't work.

• Drinking hard liquor is a total blast not advised. Stick with beer milk.

• Eat vending machine crap at all hours while you have the chance your vegetables.

• Sleep alone lots.

I think that about covers it. For good measure, I also tattooed our home address and code word for 'stranger danger' on his wrist. Honestly, I think I'm about to fall off the wagon he's going to be just fine. I've done stuff in university I'm not proud of the best I could. He's never going to make it without me on his own.

- Colleen Landry

Colleen Landry has been writing since she was a beautiful and precocious child weaving tales of magic mushrooms turtles and princesses. Now a fully grown (ish) adult, her writing offers very little magic but lots of laughs. Colleen thinks laughing at others life's stages is healing and infectious. She has been published in Canadian Living magazine and the Globe and Mail, as well as various local newspapers. Colleen also teaches high school writing in an online environment where discipline is as simple as 'Ctrl' 'Alt' 'Delete.' She is married and has two teenage sons who eat even while asleep. Follow her on Twitter @LandryColleen and enjoy her blog.